During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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