i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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