I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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