I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
