it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
