i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
