I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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