I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
