I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
