it hurts more in the daytime
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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