i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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