For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
