You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
