I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
