I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
