I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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