why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
