sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I want a musical about memes.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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