Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
