Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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