Yo dont text me then not text me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
