I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
