you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
