She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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