dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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