My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
