Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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