a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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