Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
