Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
