Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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