Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
