Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just want nice things and good sex
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
