scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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