Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I have feelings that need drinking.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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