Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
