wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
