So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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