How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
