Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
