I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
