i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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