i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
