how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
