Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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