Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
