I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
