You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
