you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
