we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
