I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
