i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The Olympian is in my bed
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
